all flesh is grass, here today and gone tomorrow....

Life is not going to last forever.

I have been thinking about that lately. I mean, life is only, on average, 70 years or so. Life is but a vapor. I feel as if a sudden urgency has been thrust upon my heart. I feel like time is running out. Thinking about eternity blows my mind. This life is what I like to call the “womb of eternity.” I sense this short time on Earth coming to the end, and I am realizing that I need to be ready to stand in front of my Father. I am also realizing that I need to live like I’m going to die. This concept may seem morbid and depressing, but I am really starting to ask the tough questions. What am I going to truly live for? What is God looking for? What could He possibly want? He was everything at His fingertips, so what could he be searching for? This life is not in vain; it is not a waste. There is something bigger going on. I need to get onto what God is doing, because He’s the only thing that lasts. I need to understand that He loves me, and grasp that His love is sufficient. Most of all, I need to live for love. God is love, but not just a passive love. God is an all-consuming fire. He wants to take over my life, and consume me from the inside out. He is jealous for me. The answer to what God is looking for is love. He is looking for hearts that are loyal to Him and men and women who are aligned with him. He is searching for people who are equally yoked with Him in love. I am going to live for the audience of One. I’m going to discover what it looks like to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, strength and mind, because He loves me with all His heart, soul, strength and mind. Love is loyalty to the truth. Love is not tolerance. Love is humility. I am discovering that I am caught up in something so much bigger than me. Small things are ceasing to preoccupy my mind. Now I see with a divine perspective that this brief time on Earth, this vapor called life, is my one chance to respond in love. This is my chance to respond to God without offense. This is my chance to respond to Him in whole hearted abandonment. This love is the one thing I will be evaluated on when I stand before Him on that day. It will not matter on that day how successful or talented I was in this life, the only question He will ask me is, “Did you learn to love?” Loving like this is not easy; don’t get me wrong. It’s a battle to keep my mind focused on Him and away from petty things. Though I struggle, I am asking Him to help me, because it takes God to love God. This quest for love may be a battle, but if I do not quit I win. When I catch myself becoming immersed in earthly things, I strive to disown the thoughts that are not heavenly. I am not a sinner who tries to love; I am a lover who struggles with sin. I was made for love. I was made for something to live for, something to die for, and something bigger than this mundane every day existence. Living for love is not easy, but He is worth it. It catches His eye and He is greatly pleased.

I’ve but a moment to decide. Less than a minute to move You. Life is a vapor, fading fast. In less than a moment, it will pass. It will be remembered, like a dream in the night. You’ll write it in Your book; I delight to do Your will in simple devotion. A memorial of love; it will be remembered through all the ages. This moment of life, it will be Your treasure, Your pearl of great price. It’s not in vain.

You will remember love.

won't be satisfied...

Our beloved Father
Please come down and meet us
We are waiting on Your touch
Open up the heavens
Shower down Your presence
We respond to Your great love

We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won’t be satisfied at all

Open up the sky
Fall down like rain
We don’t want blessings
We want you
Open up the sky
Fall down like fire
We don’t want anything but you

Our beloved Jesus
We just want to see
You In the glory of Your light
Earthly things don’t matter
They just fade and shatter
When were touched by love divine

Here we go lets go to the throne
The place that we belong
Right into His arms

I discovered this song today, and it really captured my attention. The abandon and devotion that the lyrics convey move me greatly. As I contemplated how these lyrics compare to my relationship with God, I realized that the words in these verses don’t fully describe me.

 I am satisfied with the ordinary. Every day I find myself immersed in trivial matters.  I get caught up in day-to-day life, and lose sight of my place in eternity. I focus on my schedule, projects I need to complete, and tests I need to prepare for. I forget what really matters.

 I do want blessings. Truthfully, I desire earthly blessings often. I bring my needs and hopes to God, expecting Him to follow through. He shows me that His plans for me are far better than the fulfillment of my ignorant desires.

Why don’t I just come to Him? I come with plans. I come with hopes. I come with dreams. I come with desires. I come with needs. Do I ever just simply long to dwell in His presence? Usually not. He longs for me to just spend time with Him, and all the while I come armed with things I want Him to do for me. The ironic thing is, when I receive Him, I receive His blessings. When I don’t lose focus on earthly matters, I fully find Him. All of Him is all I truly need.

I won’t be satisfied with the ordinary. Fall down like rain; because I don’t want blessings, I just want You. Fall down like fire, because I don’t want anything but You. I just want to see You in the glory of Your light. Earthly things don’t matter. They just fade and shatter when I’m touched by love divine.

Let me discover where I rightfully belong; Your arms.

unexpected strength

I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. My body hurts. I just need rest.

Problems have been presenting themselves to me daily. School keeps getting unmercifully more difficult. I’m at the end of my rope. I’m in a low place. The thing is that’s exactly where God wants me. In times like these, He wants me to depend on Him to deliver me from hardships. It doesn’t matter how large the tribulation I’m going through is. It only matters that I realize God is bigger. He’s going to utilize my weakness in order to show His strength through me.

“He said to me, ‘My grace is enough; it's all you need.  My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’ Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, difficulties. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. My body hurts. I just need rest…

These weaknesses become my strengths when I let Him take over.

Now I realize that.

Running...

I ran my first 5k yesterday. Really, a 5k isn’t that long of a race. 3.1 miles, or in my case, 3.05 miles does not prove a monumental task. As I was standing behind that line with a group of very diverse people, I questioned my motives. Why on earth would I intentionally get up at 6:00a.m. on a Saturday morning, shirk my academic responsibilities, and come run a race I knew I would not win? As I fought through that seemingly never-ending race, I answered my own question. I ran for a number of reasons. I ran because of the people that want so badly to run but don’t have the ability. I ran because of a football player whose life ended unexpectedly. I ran because of the countless families battling with a force called cancer. I ran because I am not guaranteed tomorrow. I ran because I knew I was making myself better. I ran because God gave me the strength to do so. I ran because I never would have seen myself doing what I was doing at that moment a year ago. I ran because I’m changing. I ran because I am forcing myself to strive for new things. Those reasons, along with many more, coerced me to finish that race.

I don’t know where I’m going. I have no idea at all. The beautiful thing about that is I can follow the One I love blindly. I didn’t know why I was at that starting line before I began running, but as I stepped across that finish line with sweat dripping down my smiling face, I had it all figured out. I’m starting to fully understand the meaning of the phrase, “Life is about the journey.” I may not know what direction my life is going to take, but as I progress, the situations and hardships I go through will continue to define me. I think I might try a 10k next. Who knows what epiphany will strike me as I cross that finish line.

what about dove's eyes?

   Lately, I've been distracted. Petty details of this life consume me. I find it ridiculous that I have such trouble focusing on what really matters. Why am I so easily thrown off course? This frustrates me, to say the least.

Dove's eyes.

   I've seen this phrase before. It shows up in songs and is weaved into sermons. It never riveted me as it has this past week though. In Song of Solomon, the bride is called a "dove" and is described as having "doves eyes." This caught my eye. What proves so special about a dove, let alone it's eyes? My curiosity compelled me to learn more about doves. I found that doves are only able to fix their eyes on one thing at a time, which means when a dove fixes it's gaze upon it's mate, no activities or objects around the bird distract it. Therefore, the dove is often referred to as the "Love Bird." For us, having this "dove's eye" indicates that we are becoming increasingly aware of our God's person and presence. It means that we have a spiritual awareness that will lift us above the pulls of the earthly. This binocular perspective will enable us to become sensitive to the Lord's presence and obedient to His desire and purpose. The Lord favors those who have cultivated "dove's eyes" toward Him. These people are easily led by Him, because they are close enough to see which way His eye is looking.
   Song of Solomon 4:9 says, "You have stolen my heart, my treasure, my bride; you have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes," and SOS 6:5 says, "Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me." This is how God is ravished by us.


   He knew what He was getting into when He said my name, and He said it just the same. He knew what He was getting into when He called me, but He does not regret it. He is not shocked by my struggle. He chose me, and that's enough. He sees strength in me when the only thing I see inside myself is weakness. He sees the end from the beginning; He knows where this is going. So few will ever fight the good fight; at least I'm fighting even when it feels like I'm losing. Few will ever enter the battle, but I refuse to quit. This is all He asks of me. So few will ever look back at Him and say, "I really want to love You" while I say it every day. I say, "I'm so sinful and full of compromise," and He sees my confession. He knows it's real. He still believes those vows I've made to Him and broken. I make them and continue to break them. He still believes in me. He sees the seeds of righteousness in me. He's clothed me in the blood of His son, and it's enough. It's enough. Why am I trying to get into a room I'm already in? He knows I'm in a dark night of faith, but I still have faith, when so few do. I am His favorite one. I am the only one He sees; I've ravished Him. He knows I'm disappointed with the way my life is coming down, and He also knows that regardless, I'll keep fighting. I'll press on, I'll push, I'll long, I'll reach, I'll mourn, I'll hunger, and I'll thirst. That's all He asks of me. It moves Him, oh, it moves Him. I ruin Him; Nothing could overwhelm Him, but I overwhelm Him. My eyes are like dove's eyes to Him; they overwhelm Him. I waver in vision, but I keep coming back to Him. I won't give up, I won't give in, and I won't let shame pull me down. If I don't quit, I win. God says, “Angels, oh angels, gather round. Angels, oh angels, look and see! Through that dark night of faith she’s still choosing me.” He spins around wildly singing, “She said yes again and again, she chose humility when she was overlooked, and she chose humility when she was misunderstood! She chose humility when she was falsely accused! She chose humility when she was disappointed. She said no to bitterness. She focused on me when so much was fighting for her attention. And when she was so afraid, she got up again. Look, angels, look! Angels, look and see; oh the way she moves me! Tell her the way she moves me!” It's more than just mercy; I'm not a project to make Him look good. He doesn't just feel sorry for me. He wants me, He loves me, and He delights in me. I'm the only object of His affection, and I'm the center of His world. He is not shocked by me, He is not disappointed.

This is why I fight. This is why I must focus. He loves me regardless, and that unfailing love is the reason I desire to gaze only upon Him.

I will have dove's eyes. I will not be distracted.

A New Start.

Every blog I’ve ever read gives deep insight into what a person is thinking about or going through in their life. That's fine with me, but when details let readers see into the depths of the author's heart, I falter. I strongly doubt that I have the capability to share those risky, private parts of me yet. It will happen eventually.


Give me time.